Chapter 14: Almost Doesn't Matter

The past 4 days actually squeaked by without a word from Justin. Even though she had promised in her mind that she would just erase him from her memory, doesn't really matter anyway. There was a connection. There was a tiny bit of life in his heart that made all of her just want to believe and be with him. But she can't. It was just too simple. He was too good to be true. He's a fuck up like her mom.

It was an extremely hot day, and Brit wanted to go to the beach. Keira wanted to sleep. Being up last night until 2am from a rave exhausted her body and she needed a day a least to see the world. Too bad for her. She was dragged anyway. They drove to Venus beach and began sun-bathing. Keira was pasty white and needed some dark or people will think she a ghost or an apparition.

She applied tanning oil and lathered it over her body. She placed her shades and played her discman to soft Norah Jones music. She began to think again. The song she was hearing was track one "Don't Know Why."

Standing here in the endless sand
Catching teardrops in my hand
My heart is drenched in wine
For you'll be on my mine forever

Something has to make me run
I don't know why I didn't
I feel as empty as a drum
I don't know why I didn't come by
Don't know why I didn't come
I don't know why I didn't come

She skipped a couple tracks to number 5 and leaned back, closing her eyes. This was by far her favorite song on her album. Wasn't far from her life either.

Come away with me in the night
Come away with me
And I will write you a song

Come away with me on a bus
Come away where they can't tempt us
With their lies

I want to walk with you
On a cloudy day
In fields where the yellow grass grows knee-high
So won't you try to come

Come away with me and we'll kiss
On a mountaintop
Come away with me
And I'll never stop loving you

And I want to wake up with the rain
Falling on a tin roof
While I'm safe there in your arms

So all I ask is for you
To come away with me in the night
Come away with me

She opened her eyes and sat on her side as another song roamed her ears. She tried to calm down, but shit, all she could think about was him. His words. The way he said them scared her, it actually sounded true. But it can't be. She doesn't work that way. It should have to be him. Why him? Why was it all him? Shit, she needed a drink. She tossed off her discman and threw some shorts on walking towards the foot court. She was standing in line behind a tall blond women. Skinny as can be with a white string bikini strewn tightly on her bronzed skin.

The blond was laughing atrociously on her cell phone as she moved up the line to be one up from the order place.

Keira yawned and rolled her eyes. Jeez that laugh. You could poke a dog's ears with that thing. Look at those nails, can we say Kate Moss eat your heart out? Please, I hate this place already. "Can we hurry the shit up."

The blond turned around, staring at Keira as if saying "what the fuck is your problem?", "Did you say something?"

Keira shook her head tucking a strand of hair behind her ear, "Nope."

She smiled a little, shrugging as she turned around back to her loud ass call which jerked a rolling of the eyes from Keira. This bitch has some screw looses or something. Ain't my problem. Keira moved up one spot as the blond gave her order.

"Can I have 2 Coronas and 2 large hot dogs with fries please?" Keira couldn't see it, but she could tell with a mouth that big, the grin was twice that size.

She was still on her cell at the same time as she paid and waited for her food on the side. Keira shook her head walking up to get her order voiced. "Hey, can I get a lemonade please?"

"Yeah, large or small?"

"Uh large."

"$3.75."

Keira gave him the money, took the drink from his hands, and walked over to the condiments to get a straw. As she got one, she went to get some napkins as well. Her head looked over at the blond still on her phone yapping away. Keira as never rolled her eyes so much in one day. She wasn't one to snoop but the one-sided call did perk her ears a bit as she listened in.

"...yeah um Venus. He's waiting for me. Yes, he. You know exactly who D. Oh please, why would he invite me if he didn't want me back. It'll get his mind of the other one that messed with his mind. I heard it was the girl he baby-sat. I mean how stupid is that shit? Yeah, he doesn't know though. He'll be mine soon just like before. OK, hello, if he didn't want it, why the hell would he invite to take me where we first you know?" she giggled that annoying laugh.

Jeez, I think I can hear dogs barking to that sound. Who in the hell would want to hang around that? Keira sipped her lemonade and acted as if she were waiting for someone. The blond was slightly entertaining her. Her flip-flopped foot parked against the wall as more interesting stuff floated from the obvious half wit's mouth.

"...oh shit I know! Well, tonight, hopefully he'll take me out to Geoffrey's. Yeah, he knows its my favorite. Jezz girl, look at me. I can get any guy I want. But I want him and I will get him and no one, not even the baby bitch will stop me. I know I sound so evil. Well, its true. I lost him once, I won't loose him again. Mark my words. He will be mine. He can't resist me. Oh, hey I gotta go. Yeah, its ready. Call ya later," she clicked off as Keira acted like she was wiping her hands.

The blond went to get the tray and carried it to the condiments area. Keira got bored watching her. He took a good look at her. Whoever she was manipulating better watch out. She shrugged and turned around only to run smack into a really hard untanned chest. His arms came out to steady her but she pulled out and looked up.

"Hi," was all he could mutter.

She shook her head, making her way around him when he grabbed her arm, giving her one of those damned intense stares, "Don't walk away from me, I'm talking to you."

She ground her teeth, still no words sufaced. She wouldn't give into him. Why was he here was what she really wanted to know. Look at him, its another girl, it has to be. Fuck, why am I getting jealous over this piece of shit? Fuck him! She tried to pull her arm away but he pulled her toward the showers so people wouldn't recognize him.

She just ignored everything he did. It felt like when he took control when they first met. She could feel herself getting wet, by hiding all of it on the outside. He roughly turned her chin to look at him. "Look at me!"

No, she didn't want to cry. Memories once again came of a time she'd want to forget. She came here to get away from the pain not feel it again. "Leave me alone."

"I can't. You know I can't. I wanna be with you and I will not be treated like this when I have done nothing wrong. Tell me why you can't? What have I done to you? Huh?"

She remained silent. He was right. He didn't do anything but offer her chance she was waiting for. But it was her choice. She chose her way. It was going to stay that way. No matter what he said, she wouldn't be a pawn in his agenda. He can't be trusted. She couldn't think about anything else because his lips talked more than her thoughts when they touched hers.

She couldn't allow this. It was ruining her plan. She pushed him away and stared with hard eyes at him, "Stay away from me."

"No matter what you say, I'm just gonna be around. Why can't you give me a chance dammit? Why?"

He was right again. Why? Why can't she listen to him and fuck everyone else? Maybe, shit, just fucking maybe he was telling the truth. She felt it all in his kisses. She felt their life, their energy. Their genuine wanting to just... love again. He already saw it and was willing to wait for her to recognize it. It was so simple. She choked a sob because she was so stupid before. She couldn't see it. It was right in front of her. He was just it. He was the reason. He was all her reasons.

She was calming down, finally realized her faults and maybe she has another chance to make it happen --

"J, where the hell are you here? Where's Mike? Where'd you go?" HOLY FUCKING SHIT! It was the blond from before staring at the two monster shocked faces.

But J? Fuck, I should have known it. He was playing me. I knew he'd hurt me like the others. She had to do it or else she would fall down and not get up. She ran without sound, just tear speaking forlorn thoughts of her miserable life. It would never change. All her life she believed in just standing still, but the fact had still remained as she ran. Away from him. She just ran.

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