Chapter 21: Gonna Dress You Up In My Love

"Justin, please!" Keira begged from inside her changing room.

"Come on, I won't laugh I promise," he couldn't believe her shyness.

"I don't believe you. I hate how this makes me look. Can't we just go somewhere else? Like Sportmart?"

"Keira, please, let me look at you. I'm coming in there. Look, if you really don't like it we won't get it. I just want to see how it looks."

"Justin, I don't know. I never wear this stuff," she unlocked the door and cracked it open poking her head in the crack to look at him, "please just don't say anything."

He laughed, "Sweetie, come on. This is me. You don't trust me?"

She scoffed and opened the door wider. He went in and looked at her. He knew when he saw that dress that it would accentuate all her curves. And it had. Man, she looked stunning. It wasn't slutty or anything. It was just right. A comfy light blue spaghetti design with the cut just ending above her knees. She was looking around unsure still. She stared at him waiting for his opinion.

She socked him semi hard in his stomach, "Well?"

He sighed, he loved it but she was feeling vulnerable, "Do you like it?"

She groaned, "What the hell? What kind of question is that? I can't breathe in it!"

She kept pulling the cut down as she turned around to look at her back. She had a nice back. This was not her though. She was jeans and T-shirt girl. Or anything sporty pretty much. She was never overweight, she was sort of in the middle of the body types. She had major curves in her hips.

He gave in, "Sorry, I thought you would like it. You can take it off, we'll find something else."

She begun to feel bad now. "It's not that I don't like it, its just, this is all different. All these clothes. Its just a little too tight."

"OK, I'll be outside when your done."

She nodded and hugged him close, "Thanks for understanding."

"No problem," he kissed her lips and went out closing the door behind him.

She took another look at herself in the mirror. She did actually good. What the hell was she complaining about? She should just keep her mouth shut. He's the one that's buying her all these clothes. She got all the others because she thought he would be mad. She bit her lip and changed out of the confining dress placing it on the hanger. She put on her clothes and opened the door to see Justin hard at work looking for new attires. Probably more of the same style. She wasn't Britney or Cameron. She wasn't flashy.

She made up her mind. She could use a change or just clothes in general. Hey, better than going naked. He's trying to help her. She should be more respectful to his generosity. She held the dress in her hands as she walked over to him.

She rolled her eyes and grinned, "I'll git it."

He turned to her, "You don't have to if you don't feel like you should. It's fine. How about this? Do you like this color?"

He held up a tasteful pale pink tank top a little more her style than his. She looked at it and shrugged, "Justin, I'm serious. I'll get it. It does actually look good. You were right. That's the only time I will say that but you are."

"Are you sure?"

She laughed, "Please don't make me take it back. I've touched your ego enough already."

Justin breathed out. He laughed and bit his lip and walked behind her, placing his arms around her. He kissed her neck and breathed into it. "I don't wanna make you do anything you don't wanna do. Its OK if you don't feel comfy in it. We'll find something. Hey, wanna go to Gucci?"

She couldn't believe she was getting she much attention. She swung around and faced him. She smiled, "I'm getting that dress."

"Ugh, alright fine. Let's go get paid now." He grabbed her hand and pulled her.

"Hold up. Lemme get the dress." She reached for it and walked with him to the register.

The retailer was flamboyantly flirting with him and Keira stood off to the side. The girl was prettier than her too. At least according to Keira. Her hair seemed like soft velvet, her lips exuded of sexually redness, her skin just make her wanna crawl up and die somewhere. Keira was ugly now. Besides, those things were obvious in Justin's eyes.

There wasn't really anywhere she can go too. There was bodyguard number 1 halting at the left and number 2 position in the right corner. She was surrounded. God, this girl's laugh sounded like Cameron's. She stuffed her hands in her pockets and felt a hard piece of paper in her grasp. She pulled it and examined it. She read the writing on it. Looked like a number of some sort and than "call me, we'll hang" was written under along with Cam in cursive writing.

It didn't register at first. Than she remembered. Cameron Diaz had come to the door and appeared sorry, dropping off her digits. Damn, if Justin sees this he'll be mad. Maybe he won't. Still... he used to go with her so it would be awkward major. She tucked it back in her pocket and glanced at the necklaces. She feathered a particular one with her fingers. It was a pink crystal heart shellacked with grace. It was pretty. Nice to look at.

She than looked back to the flirtysons just wasting precious time away. Geez, curse that many clothes he bought her. Can't she scan any damn faster?! Fuck, this sucks. She pinched the bridge of nose and sat in one of the waiting chairs.

She clicked her tongue in boredom, blowing out some air. She really needed to vacate the premises pronto. This waste of time bitch was trying all the patience she had left. Just seeing him speak to another girl mad her blood boil. She didn't want to appear jealous, she knew it was all innocent, well, least she hopes it is. She just wanted to beat that precious smile off her face. She clenched her fists and bit her lip stomping over to the register.

She tapped him casually on his shoulder, "Everything OK?"

He barely noticed the petite girl standing next to him, but nodded his head to her direction, "Huh? Oh yeah, she was just telling me about Coldplay. When did you see them again?"

The girl annoyingly tucked a piece of invisible hair behind her ear, "Oh, yeah uh I had tickets in June this year. My friends and I totally lost our voices. They're awesome!"

Keira gagged internally and rolled her eyes. Could she be anymore OMIGOD sad! This bites. What the hell does he like about this tramp? She faked a smile and bit her tongue staring at a grinning Justin, "That's nice."

She giggled. Only "turn on" him more. What a dumbass. She smirked Keira as if she were vermin, "Well yeah, anyway, is that all you're going to purchase?"

Keira thought for a second and than remembered, "Oh no, one more thing. Let me get it."

She went to go look for the dress she tried on before. She grabbed it on the chair she left it on and ran to the checkstand. "Here it is."

The girl named Tammy took the dress and laughed to herself. Keira's eyes narrowed. Something about that life wasn't genuine. What the fuck is this bitch laughing about? "What's so funny?"

She scoffed suddenly. Justin and Keira wondered what the hell was up. "There's no way this dress fits your body type. Maybe Beyonce or Britney. This dress was made for women who are trim. Why don't you go find something else? I hear Layne Bryant has one just like it your size."

Keira wasn't sure if she could move. If there was one thing she didn't like about herself, it was her body. She always thought she was bigger than other girls. Just recently she got tired of it all and dropped 35 pounds in 2 months. She felt tears go down her cheeks and she ran past the bodyguards and headed straight for the restrooms.

Only, she didn't get far enough. Justin grabbed her arm and pulled her close to him, hugging her sobbing form. She looked into his eyes and finally saw what was there from the start. What the hell was she doing with him? What the hell was he doing with her? Someone like her? Someone rich and pampered like him could never complete her heart.

"Keira, please, I'm so sorry. Please, god please. I know it hurts. I feel you so much, you have no idea. Don't let shiit like that take you away from me. I can't stand you running and slipping away from me."

She tried pushing his body away but he wouldn't budge. She banged her fists on his chest and just cried. "What am I doing? Tell me what? I'm not even close to what you want in anyone! I'm so lost and broken about everything. Why do you want me around? Why? Why couldn't she just kill me like I wanted to all along?"

"No! Never! I will NOT even think that about you. You are so important to me. God, Keira please. Why can't you understand that you mean something to me? What do I have to do? What, what do you want? I'll give you anything. Anything you want. Tell me, tell me exactly what to do here?" his hand softly brushed her cheek.

She gathered all her strength and pushed his body slight away. She looked away than dead in his eyes, "I cannot ask you to give me what I need because you obviously don't have a clue what I'm needing. I can't force you to know what I'm feeling. I'm so confused about all of this. This new life. All this new stuff just coming into my life. I'm deeply grateful for everything but you're not ready to know that its not enough. No matter what material you can give me it can't be enough. It can't be because its more than feelings. Its bigger than me. And dammit more than anything I want to shout it out to the f'ucking world. I think I've come to a place where I except whatever I am with what ever comes my way. I also excepted something else. It tore me up to but I did because I believed that some things in life are possible. Things like when you look at me. You really look at me. That's when it started. I've come to terms with knowing that. The question is, do you even know what I'm feeling? Can you give me what I've been dreaming of?"

What was she talking about? What more do I have to know? Whoa, wait a minute... is she saying what I think she's saying? Fuck the distance. This is all for her. He took a hold of her hands, "What are you telling me? Just say it."

Oh god, I said too much already. He's looking at me like that. I hate when he does that. Makes me forget I hate him now. She sniffed back and looked away. She had to or that was going to be it, "I don't want to be hurt."

"You can tell me anything. You know that too. Angel, please. Let me know, I'm so dying here," he sounded on the brink of weeping as well.

"You wouldn't understand. Everything will be ruined. If you don't even know than I shouldn't have brought all this shiit up," she struggled against him once more. He wasn't obliging keeping her intact it one bit.

He suddenly grabbed her and kissed her lips so hard and squeezed the dear life out of her small frame. She wrestled with his tongue a bit and pulled away. He took her face and pressed his forehead against hers. He kissed her nose, slowly opening his eyes. "Show me who you are?"

"I'm afraid," she said above a whisper.

"I am too. Its OK. We'll be OK. I will take care of you."

"You don't l -- you can't -- you just can't be. I am... I am. I don't want to be afraid of you but I -- I am. Because you don't feel this way," she hiccupped.

He wiped he left her with his thumb gently, "What way?"

"If you don't know than I don't either," she pushed him further away and ran to the bathroom.

She banged her head against the cold walls and slid down. She really was a nothing person. A nothing who became a someone for a little while. A no one who made a huge mistake of falling for someone will never see her in that light. Never. She closed her eyes. This is what happens when you want to live.

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