Chapter 24: Looking In

"So, what's up?" he casually put it.

She sighed. Must she rehash her thoughts? Seriously? She didn't even know where to start. That was for sure weird. Hugging than running back to her old ways. She's officially broken. Justin, no matter how much he cares, she'll always be that.

She sniffed and closed her eyes again. Lennon was right, living can be easy with your eyes shut from the outside world. Maybe if she stayed like this he'll leave.

"OK, you're ignoring me. Come on, what's wrong?" his voice sounded calm.

OK, maybe not. Dammit. Why can't he just buzz off? What the hell? She could feel him reading her face and it was hard to mask in front of him. Her face ruled her emotions. It confused her more than anything. She licked her lips in strange wonder. She just totally pulled a 180 on the script. Bi polar would be an understatement. Sometimes she confuses herself. Why the hell can't she make up her mind. Light and darkness appeared on her shoulder constantly. It wasn't certain really. Her answers were spliced in the air.

She rubbed her nose and covered her eyes with her palms. She didn't know what to do. She didn't know what to say. Anything she said hasn't mattered to anyone. Why should it matter to him? Who the hell was he? Some guy that won't leave that's what. Her whole life was a bunch of nothing. Nothing created. Nothing was taught or said. It was ordered. Too compelled. Everything had a price and everything was brought to justice form.

Was just the way it was. She figured maybe if she told him a little bit of the deal he'd leave her alone when she finished. She took her hands down and stared him dead in the eye, "I don't really know how to deal with this. I'm completely dumbfounded with what give me. Why do you care so much?"

"Cause I do. It's as simple as that. You're not going back to her. I will not see to it. I care because I want to show you a new life where there isn't pain. I wanna bring you with me too. I wanna give you everything," he softly touched her cheek.

She leaned into his touch and calmly took his hand down to cradle it. She stared down and sighed, "I hate being like this. I wish I could just breakaway and stop being so lost all the time. I feel like I'm standing still and I'm angry. I don't want to do this anymore. I'm not by any means what you're needing. I'm too messed up. I can't remember what it was like to be truly happy. That day at the park was completely a blur. Nothing happened because it was all a dream. I want everything to seem real but my mind doesn't want to believe that. I think should go somewhere else."

"NO. Sweetheart no. I can't let you do that. Look, I can't let you go. I just can't. Its gotten to the point where I need you with me, you know?"

She looked up, afraid, "But why? I haven't got many people who stay and respect me. Why should you be any different?"

He sighed soundlessly, "Keira, it completely makes me want to be with you even more when I see how strong you are. You know you are. You have will for the next day. Please, all I'm asking is a chance. Just to be in here, near you, cry with you, touch you, feel you. I want to be the one you dream of. I can do that. Please let me. I won't let you be sad."

Keira shifted a bit. What the hell was that? Was this the Hallmark channel or something? No way was that an invite to anything. That doesn't wash one iota. She stood up and ran upstairs once again, ignoring his calling and going into the guest room.

She sprawled onto the made bed and grabbed the pillow tightly. Oh boy, once more it was a hazard. Corny Cornyson didn't make things better anyhow. Things were always. They were bad because of her. She still can believe anyone. Licking wounds remained the plan initially. She hated that shit. Miserable perched it's ugly beak and poked at her nerves. What the hell does he expect. She's not perfect. She can't believe everything that he says. He's a freaking pop star what the hell is that shit?

Damn!

It was always the same shitty battle that she always lost. Still... a small part of her wanted to see the and hear the words being said. She gulped and turned on her backside, staring at the ceiling.

"I'm sick and tired of this running. I think I've put up with it long enough Keira. Tell me what this is all about? What is your problem with me, huh?" she felt the bed shift as he sat down.

She grew quiet again. She honed that down almost. She knew the next thing out of her mouth was risky but she had to, "You could kick me out. I'll go live somewhere else."

"No! I won't kick you out baby. I just wanna know some stuff OK? What is wrong? Come on, what is your problem with me?"

She clenched her teeth and sat up fuming, "It's not you! Its me OK. I have a problem with myself!"

His eyes widened, "What?"

What is this guy deaf? She calmed down a little and took a breath, "It's me. I'm what's wrong in the world. I'm causing everyone pain. God, all those times when tried to do it but I was too much of a selfish asshole to bitch it out. I fucked it up. I should've stayed there. Why did you bring me here? Why? Why do you fucking care so hard if breathe or not? Who the fuck are you anyway?"

The last part really irked him and made his blood boil. He couldn't help his mouth. It was rapid fire bursting out with an unbridled tone, "I'm a fucking guy who's trying to kill himself over girl who won't get it through her head that I fucking love her with all my heart and won't she her die. That's who I am, get the fuck used to it!"

He stood up and walked out, slamming the door on his way out. Tears hyperventilated down her cheeks. Did he just? What? Oh no. She stopped breathing. This definitely a dream. People don't do that. No one has ever done that to her. This can't be real. This can't be. Just 9 days?! In 9 days, what the hell did she miss?

She couldn't talk now. Her vocals cut up and dispersed about. Just as lost of her. Wait, he can't say something like that and get away with it! He can't do this! She pinched herself hard "Owwww FUCK!"

Her eyes were emotionless. She was gone. He straggled her with those words forever. Can it get anymore confusing? Who the hell knows?

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