Chapter 13: Cruz

Justin’s POV

I just got off the phone with the person I really didn’t want to delve into. Jenna claimed she needed to come have a “serious talk” about “serious issues” or whatever. I, being the gracious soul, concurred sadly but also there was also some part of me that cared swayingly. Deep deep down of course.

My breath comes restored anew and my attention turns around and peaks into the compact TV room. I reveal myself finally and step out; she’s asleep. Well, from the angle. I walk closer, she move, I still myself. I move closer to perceive more innocence. Just one look, its enough to know. The way she acts, its nothing in measure with the person I see now. She wanted peace, she won that wish. Something about her... Something concealed. Buried within depths of uncherished reality.

My tongue glides to wetten my lips, I think I know what to do. I can’t imagine what kind of life she leads. Maybe its why she won’t explain the little things.

Her breathing bathes her in a silky, soft pearl intensity. Her lashes repose upon tear lines and I stare away. Nakedly, I whisk over and get my nerve to pick her up. I was careful, she was still sleeping. I refrain from staring too much for I need to just continue with the task of my room, the bed, her securely inside. I pick her up in my arms. Her porcelain like hands rest on her stomach blindly.

Through stained pains I see, its something I could never embody. I honestly don’t know anything about the girl I carry in my arms yet I feel its something that grabs my attention against my will. She makes me want to know her. Tragic, to me, mainly because lately my care for people has withered since I earned my badge. I changed and I never liked it. I give up and find my room. My eyes land on my bed with the crease of the made cover folded.

I realize her face is something that shouldn’t concern me. I just want her to sleep now so I slip her gently under the cream colored sheets, pushing her body ever so slightly deeper inside. I fold the comforter over the rest of her. I finish and stand up. I figure leaving the room will clear some things for a bit. Wrong.

“No.” God, I had never wanted to cry more.

My hand is held. I still, its over. Is it? Can I turn myself around? No, not yet. “What?”

“Stay. Please, stay with me.” I gulp, not knowing much.

I think I’m turning around. My feet make the pivot and I don’t understand. I stumble, unsure. I look into the ebony gaze that held me since that day... She wants me to stay. My eyes search her face. She holds my hand and never strays my look. Her eyes shake about like some hypnotic creature.

I inhale sharply and take a sit toward the end of the bed as she sits up with me. MY other hand covers on top of hers and I shift a little. Nervous? Kind of. "So I guess I'll sleep--"

Her fingers feather my lips and my eyes close, "Would you stay with me? Inside here... I can't be alone now."

Is this what they're telling me when they say its "actually happening"? Seriously, someone pinch me. "I'm not going anywhere. I just need a second. Can you wait?"

She frowns and I feel her grip me tighter, "You're coming back?"

I have to smile on this, "Yes," I'm pausing to kiss the top of her hand twice, "I promise. I won't leave you tonight."

She nods and takes a breath, "OK."

That's my cue as I make my way to the bathroom, keeping my fear inside. "OK."

I slowly let go of clinging and breathe in while nearly jumping to the bathroom. I had to brush my teeth first I knew. Right, I grab my toothbrush and squeeze some crest onto it. I start my process as I begin to ponder.

I finish sloppily barely putting thing away. All the stuff was forgotten as I turned the door and saw... her eyes. They were, sad. But, oh god, my body can't move. She moves out of the covers, I'm still unceasing.

She tucks her knees under her and bites her lip. The first thing I noticed was her shaking. God no, I remove my jacket and set it behind me onto the hamper. I can't take it anymore I push myself to hold her. She jumps and screams. I smooth her hair and kiss the side of her face.

"Justin?"

"Yes?"

"Don't make me forget this. Any of this."

I look her strongly, "Forget this? Julie?"

I observe her wiping a sift salty emotion falling, "Don't let me forget this." She breathes and looks up, "Kiss me."

I oblige gently. My face calmly moves closer 'til my destination, I reach. I still haven't a clue what I'm doing exactly, I'm only following her. What is is she doing? She's moving kind of fast. I feel her reach lower on my body. Fingers fiddle with the zipper, I want it too but not like this. Jeez, I can't handle this. I'm no sure what to do now, she's becoming aggressive.

"...mhmm, Jul..." This is just impossible to do.

She moves her lips onto my neck and that was it. It can’t go any longer. I have to be careful, “Ju-Julie wait a second... oh ok... wait. Can you ok...”

“What’s wrong?” Not really stopping only binding on her gestures furthermore.

“Can I ask you something...?” I’m hoping something will work.

I feel her slow in a minimal but still fervently burning. Almost combusting. “What is it?”

I wanna slow her down now cuz its getting to that point. I have to make sure. “Is this what you want?”

And that’s when she lifts her head to face me. “Isn’t this what we want?”

I can’t mention Jenna. I refuse to let anything lead up to that but man, this feeling, I can’t lose it. I’m falling somewhere I don’t know. “Yes, I want this, I was making sure it was what you wanted?”

She kisses me slightly, she stops turns away. She still can’t look at me. Give it time. You barely know her. Hmm, interesting… She turns around, eyes more certain than I’d imagined. “I don’t do things if its not what I wanted. Don‘t you?”

OK, now I’m thinking, do I? A second ago I did. God I wanted it. Now, OK I’m steered away. I’m an idiot. Shit. I was leaning on my elbows and now it started to smart. I had to sit up a little, she was still on top. I couldn’t move her yet. Not yet. OK, now, I tried gathering what can with what I know. “Honestly? And please I’m sorry if you’re upset with this but I feel strange doing this. If I do this it wouldn’t be right to either of us. I literally got out of a bad relationship and…” I couldn’t finish.

Man, her face. If only I can explain it. She swallows, her breathing erratic, a little confused. “I’m sorry. I had no idea. You’re right, y-you’re right. I’m just, wow OK. OK.”

She moves off me, I softly touch her shoulder. “Are you alright?”

She doesn’t even bother to peek at me but nods, “Uhuh.” she moves off the bed and heads for the bathroom.

I figure she needs to have some time. I collapse onto the covers. I cover my face, listening to the sink run. I definitely need to just leave her alone. I broke up with Jenna today, too much in the last 10 hours for anyone to deal. I still gonna stay with her, push everything else away and focus on her.

My eye lids close, the sink shuts off abruptly which had awoken me upright. My eyes stay on the door that’s not moving. I let out the breath I was holding when she came out, almost out of a dream.

She doesn’t say anything only moves her body kind of oddly toward the right side of the bed. She sits on the side and pulls her legs in. I suddenly get the urge to do something. I do.

I try and speak instead. “Everything OK?”

She licks her lips finding some spot on the ground that’s safe heaven for her to look at, “Mhmm.”

I can do nothing now. I sigh, why? OK, what is going on? Dammit. It’s my fault.

“If I tell you this, it won’t make a difference. I’m not like everyone else. I’m not like this with anyone. I don’t normally rely on people. I’m sorry you didn’t want to kiss me before, I guess I read it wrong; like everything else.” Her eyes glance to me, “I’m not gonna say I’m sorry for doing it because it was what I wanted. Its always me that starts everything anyway.”

A word caught my ear, “Starts?”

“You were my first kiss.” I barely heard her utter, I had to know really.

“Are you serious?” I couldn’t stop staring at her. How beautiful she looks, doesn‘t make sense.

“Yeah,” she nods carefully, “Quite embarrassing. Not so much though.”

“Why is that?”

Silence. I feel her reach my hand, strangely positioning it over her chest. “Its yours.”

I knew exactly what to say to her. I feel like everything is slow, but I still knew. She had given me her first kiss, interesting… “May I be the first to kiss you?”

She’s moving closer. I slightly heard her “yes”. I was too soft to concentrate for. I still respected her privacy, I wanted her to answer before I do this.

She didn’t move her spot and I just fucking went for it. I keep missing the feeling of her lips on mine, this time, I’m taking full advantage of this.

“…mm Justin, you don’t have to. Really.”

My fingers quiet her lips. God, I can’t wait any longer. She’s so soft. “I really want to. Please let me do this.”

She licks those lips. I’m so close, I’m going to do this. I cover my mouth on hers very lightly, almost as if I’m not touching her. I know I am.

I feel take a second to respond, placing gentle pressure. My hand stays onto her cheek, gladly. She pulls herself from me and backs up.

“I’m tired.” she says plainly.

I sort of side. It has been a long ass day. Maybe tomorrow things will change. I nod my head without a word, “Yeah, OK, well maybe we should both rest. Do you still want me to stay with you?”

She shakes her head nervously, “It’s fine.” She moves her body into the covers and lays down, eyes open only. She’s quiet. Her stare searches on me, “I can’t say enough for what you’ve done for me tonight. Thank you so much.”

I’m still on the bed as I smile to myself. I could resist. I kissed her forehead boldly, following her eyes with mine. We still each other. I don’t wish to leave… unless she wants me to. “Goodnight Julie.”

Her eyes grow heavy, kind of funny. “ ‘Night Justin.”

I laugh and get up, hopefully heading over to the couch without fretting over everything. The weird thing is… I don’t feel like doing it right now. I feel like closing my eyes and escaping. Yeah, sounds promising.

I turn around though. I had to. One last look before I close my eyes. I click the picture of her in my vision. I could never forget someone like her. Never. Etta James, eat your heart out. At last, I don’t feel so ordinary.

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