Chapter 15: Get Mine, Get Yours

Aurora’s POV

I lay asleep. Making him believe I was OK. I was saved, but now once again, my bones are unmoving. No healthy activity within me. Connecting with beating boundaries that remain someone else. It’s not me, everything that’s changed, is not what I wanted. What do I want anyway? Too many questions poke and I stay afraid. Upstaging the problem so I don’t have to face it. I lay there and thinking. Dreaming? Nah, dreams are not the case here. I thought I was stabbed and that was a dream. I lay here, whining about me. Strangely finding myself so boring to everyone else I wonder why the fuck he saves me.

I’m sorry OK? I didn’t mean it! I know I didn’t, my curiosity destroys my life more than I care to bring up. 20 billion words for tears, I am reminded of an oleander. The deadly flower, beautiful, odd, touching it makes you contract pain. It could kill you if it breathes. I tell ya, I’ve never been this poetic in myself ever.

Someone's always coming around here trailing some new kill
Says I seen your picture on a hundred dollar bill
And what's a game of chance to you,
To him is one of real skill
So glad to meet you Angeles

I look at him, watching his breath move up then down earning a sigh from me. He’s really determine and fuck me if I’m so stubborn. What do I feel? What is this? Debating on my choices, this is not me. I usually run things better. Well before I had. I’d somehow bounce back to something else from falling square on my ass.

I’m afraid to touch him not afraid to look. How he’s sleeping, its something I want to get closer to. I wanted to paint it, looking back at me, I wanted to capture it like it was something I never wanted to forget. I’m afraid if I move, he will, and everything will be ruined. The memory of now will cease. I don’t want that. I don’t want to leave. I feel as if the middle is problem here.

I wanna begin here, like start fresh with someone I know I can trust. But I only trusted myself. Trusting someone else? I always did everything. I felt like a stranger despite the things we already did. Oddly, I didn’t feel ashamed, just anonymous. It really was something out of a movie. If I could write it, the story wouldn’t have love. I hate romance. I hate the fact that people say there is one person and that’s it. Why is it that simple with them? Is it just as simple as looking at someone and seeing them for who they are. I really don’t know anything about him. Laying next to him, observing slowly something, just anything.

Picking up the ticket shows there's money to be made
Go on and lose the gamble that's the history of the trade
You add up all the cards left to play to zero
And sign up with evil
Angeles

All I hear is breathing. I see how settled he is when he sleeps. Gazing on his face, I never knew someone could sleep with such ease. Again, that word… simple. Who knew a word that sounds so affirmative could be the reason why everything happens. Well, from my views entirely. I don’t know to be honest why I don’t just shut up sometimes. I want to touch him… kiss him. Can I? Should I? He’s sleeping, maybe I should try that. Lord knows I need it.

My eyes close softly, elevating into lucid pastures. I wanted to relax. Concentrating on myself and my body. My eyes open. And why? Shit, I wish they would close and stay that way. Maybe my problem is right in front of me. I should try turning around. He’s still there. Damn.

No one's gonna fool around with us
No one's gonna fool around with us
So glad to meet you
Angeles

I’m still in a robe and I’m so cold. How do I get clothes without waking him? OK, I move a little bit of the covers off me, I check, nothing. My hands cover my face. I give up. He’s going to wake up, just gotta deal with it.

I feel my hands being lifted and pressed against something warm and soft. “Don’t hide yourself. God, your hands are freezing… come here.”

He places my hands upon his chest, god it was so hot. My hands caught some weird feeling over his skin. My head turns as my eyes slowly travel in a calm river line until they reach his face.

Eyes.

My sleepy face meets something I didn’t see before. Why is he looking at me like that and always? He’s scanning my eyes like its routine. I’m uncomfortable again. Being under such scrutiny, like I’m being held somewhere left with eagle eyes. Strenuous penetrates which perish walls and built cradles that lie within dreary crevices. I wish he would stop this.

I gulp, still trying to reel myself into the moment. Being stuck was the hard joust I find. It’s imperatable that I relinquish all forms of struggle. Do I always fight, can I fight for me. Is this even about me. Strange to wonder how someone as trying as me still remains this paranoid. I don’t know anymore. The piano that plays gathers dust, separate life from fallacy. I fucking hate it. Hate what I endured, the strength that did me no sense of just when I fought those battles… my own battles. And still, growing softly among my solitude, the minimalistic voices call out as I reach -- reach further and just try to -- Oh my God!

I… uhm. No, I can’t. One night. Just one night of what? Could it be? No, I never honestly contrived it from last night. Oh god, OK, I need to get out of the bed now. Need some air now.

I pull my hands back and clumsily swift out of the bed and stand head for the bathroom, closing the door. I flinch on the slam. I didn’t mean it. My control was reaching overload, I didn’t know what to do. How to be.

My temples felt as if someone stuck a poll into the side, everything felt so dizzy. OK, now I have to breathe, I try in some small way to just calm down. When was I this scared?

Knock.

My head painfully lifts up, I don’t know how to answer yet. I need to just slow things down. Man, damn it. “Yes?”

“Are you alright? Can I give you something?” He answers gently.

“Uh, can I… my head hurts… badly.” I managed.

“Oh, alright, when you want to come out I left you your clothes outside OK?”

I have an idea, grabbing my head with one hand I open the door. I gasp as I almost knock into him. I look at his face as I squint slight, “I can’t do anything right now.”

“Oh,” my eyes grew blurry, weird. “Can you see?”

“Yeah, c-can I sit or something… oh…” I lost of my legs and I start to fall but he catches me.

I push him off me. Why does he have to do that? I’m fine. “Sorry…”

“You sure you’re OK?”

I grab the clothes from behind him and go into the bathroom to change. I start changing and realize that I forgot the door. I turn around and see him looking out of place. What was I supposed to say?

“What?”

He shakes his head running his hand through his curls. “Sorry, never mind. Go ahead.”

I look down. What was it really? He looked like there was more to it then that. I smile thinly and reach for the door and at that same moment he does too and covers my hand.

I can’t remember what it was I needed at that moment, but it was getting more clear now. My pain was gone. I was whole. I grabbed his face and kissed him as hard as I could kiss anyone. I knew exactly what I wanted. He knew it too. And he never seems to stop me.

I pull away, collecting my breath, “I wish you could know me. But now, I want to feel you. Now, I want you to give me something. I’m sick of denying how good you make me feel. Alive. Give me that please.”

I remove my robe tossing it away as we make our way toward the bed. “Are you sure? I can’t do this if you really don’t want to.”

I could make you satisfied in everything you do
All your 'secret wishes' could right now be coming true
And be forever with my poison arms around you

The truth was… “Love me. Please, I never had anyone. Let me feel you again. I never had you. Love me.”

I never gave him a chance to talk. I told him how I felt and now all I really want is now. He is now. It was that easy. He calms me. Listening to his voice, the way he speaks to me, like no one is around. I believe him. I trust him. With my body. How he treats me. The only one who was gentle.

Don't start me trying now
Cos I'm all over it
Angeles

Literally, I stand naked but not for long, so is he. I feel like going somewhere else in this. Try something different. Can I ask him? OK…

“Please, Jus--” he hushes me with his kiss.

“I know what you want. I’ll give you everything.” More kisses, each stinging with more plush excitement than the other.

Kisses, than a kiss to my neck. His lips travel on a lone traced line down. Butterfly kisses pierce me. Attacking my patience, making me elicit moans. It all came to me in fire. In desire. It was more than enough. His tongue gave my navel a slow bath. He stops to dip inside my belly, painting and spreading the warmness so I’m once aware he is still there.

He goes lower, finds places, kissing parts no one sees. He goes down until he reaches what I protect. God, I’m scared... I’m scared until... Oh god!

His mouth practically swallows me as I clutch the covers. Tongue dipping right inside, brushing and circling to find a perch. He sucks softly, slowly, knowing how sensitive I am to this, he takes his time. Picking, devouring something. I couldn’t figure out what exactly I could barely think now.

He spreads my lips for more of me, starting over with his skillful passion. I couldn’t control my shakes or my moans. Than, it started. I could pass through it. Something I never held to me before. My shakes were increasing, my mind was freezing, and I was breathing faster. Everything was faster. The room was nothing and thoughts moved so blindly away from me. I didn’t think anyone had heard me.

My hips bucked high as I screamed my orgasm. My chest was bouncing in my breathing, trying to rest with me. Out of my mind, my eyes were shut the whole time and I was really inhuman to open them. I keep telling myself it could be taken from me. Usually, lately, I open my eyes and it isn’t real.

“Julie? Open your eyes.” I hear his breath a half a step above mine. Its fast too.

I don’t know what came over me but I started a crying. My whole body erupted in shakes as the tears came back.

“Oh no, come here sweetie.” I feel his arms shut around me yet I still find it difficult to do anything else.

I think I should tell him. I think. “I’m not crying because I’m upset. I’m just... I don’t know. NO ONE has ever done that and I’ve never felt so...”

He pressed a kiss on my sweaty forehead, “I know. Loved.”

I could really... “Yeah. Loved.”

I gain my strength back and wrap my arms around him as tight as I could. I didn’t care if I was hurting him, I needed what he gives me. I need it forever.

I jumped in his arms at a weird sound.

I feel his arms removes themselves as I grab the covers, “Shit. I’m sorry for this. I’ll be back.”

I hear draws opening and pull the covers further over me as he reaches for his mobile. ”Yeah, Tim -- what? Right now? Phil, I don’t know if I can. Alright, fine.”

Click and toss. He covers his face with his hands groaning. I watch his mannerisms, they’re daperative. It seems like he doesn’t know where he is or if anyone is there. I wonder... what if?

I’ll probably say something wrong. Shit. I couldn’t hold my tongue much longer. I knew he was gonna leave, maybe I could get him to stay. “Do you have to go?”

Some say love, it is a river
That drowns the tender reed.
Some say love, it is a razor
That leaves your soul to bleed.

He jumps at the sound of my voice, shakes his head, and turns around looking at my wide eyes. If possible, they grew bigger when his lips kissed my cheek, “I wish I could get out of it. I already missed half a day.”

He whispers softly as the words settle in me. Doesn’t have to… “Stay. Can you stay with me?”

He lies his head onto the pillow blowing out a long, calm sigh. I shiver under but revert my eyes somewhere else. I can’t handle what he’s gonna say next. I already know.

Some say love, it is a hunger,
An endless aching need.
I say love, it is a flower,
And you it's only seed.

The backs of his knuckle soothe my shoulder. I realize how quickly things change. No matter what… they change. What I’m feeling right now is fear. Once again. Fear of not knowing how fast and why people leave. Why they die. Before I find out who they are. I never tell them who I am. I figure its not my place to. Like I said, I don’t understand their reasons.

I’m clouded with hurt. The same hurt that passes through my bones and makes me shake like I’d done something to be scorned for. I knew something was about to happen I just had no clue what exactly. He senses I am not paying attention and I’m not. He knows I always think about my life. My life doesn’t belong to me. I never wanted to live like this. I’m finally admitting I’m scared. Like I’m so not ready to leave this bed yet. I think I’ve always known. So used to the solitaire life. A lone pale person feeding upon scraps that fell somewhere I didn’t know.

I must have dosed off when he started licking his lips, “Just a few hours. I won’t be gone a long time.”

How do I know that? The covers appear part of my skin. I was afraid to do anything else. “Oh... do you -- are you coming back?”

A moment of solitude, blanking on what to answer next. Then, “Yeah. I promise.”

“Justin?”

“Hm?”

“I have this feeling something bad is going to happen. Something I can’t stop.”

It's the heart, afraid of breaking,
That never learns to dance.
It's the dream, afraid of waking,
That never takes a chance.

I pause without permission, leaning onto my next thought. Seriously beyond myself to comprehend. I’ve never been so fucking out of my mind this much. The good doesn’t last. You will lose it tells me. The good will cease while you remain you. You cling your hold on cold, relentless struggles. You... will... never... win.

Deterred for a second, I relinquish my eyes back. All he does is stare. Barely uttering words while I die in my quiet screams.

“I can stay for you.” So quiet is his voice I almost didn’t hear him speak.

I think my ears deceived me, “R-really?”

“Yeah,” the ringtone bothers the kiss we share.

I knew what was going to happen, I can do it. I can wait for him. “Go.”

He shakes his head kissing my forehead. “You don’t want me to.”

“I want you to. Just go. I can handle myself alright.”

The ringing persists, I nod my head, he tosses me a look of annoyance but buckles to click the phone, sitting up, “Yeah, I know, gimmie 20 minutes I’m there. Bye.”

“Mind if I get dressed?” I needed clothes.

He starts to spring up and smiles while getting my stuff off the stool and setting them on the bed next to me. “Here, I’ll be in the shower.”

My head nods, as I take my clothes, “Alright, thanks.”

“Sure.” He says curtly and hurries to the bathroom.

It's the one who won't be taken,
Who cannot seem to give.
And the soul, afraid of dyin',
That never learns to live.

I know I’m distracting him. I distract everyone because I’m so fucking needy and fragile. I start putting on my clothes with my shivers around me. Can’t get be rid of it. I haven’t had a real look around my surroundings. I guess this is what happens when you didn’t care as much. Kinda boring. Ordinary placing. Almost lacking life. Or despising it. Couldn’t decided which. Nice, I guess. Better than a couch in a closet at the studio. Who am I to judge really? That’s a belly of laughs frankly. Just wish it wasn’t so bellow zero in here. More an upgrade than my previous lodgings. Or whatever it was I slept on with lies. Disheveled at worst. That I must mention. Dirty life.

Bits and specks of the sun shower the his dresser. Even the sun is ordinary. I guess there is no pleasing me today. Well, not nothing... Real? That question. That penetrating sting that bothers me. Is anything actually there? Saying is in believing. What do I believe? What do I know? Joining my thoughts I finally... My eyes see whenever I am with him, it feels like a dream. I guess there’s my answer. Though, I find myself believing in more. Like maybe I was willing to challenge the reasons for it. Dig a little more thoroughly. Possibly. It could happen. Is it certain that I am completely changed? Changed for what? Changed for better more substantial moments. I think I value myself a little more. I never really cared about my safety. I was the type that wasn’t careful. Still am.

Holy shits, he’s got a lot of pics. An older woman, early 40s my eyes glance, maybe seemingly older by appearance. Lived a tiring life perhaps. The man with the rimmed glasses, his father? A family member? Couldn’t really tell. Looks nothing like him. Has that twinkle though. And his nose. I stifle a laugh.

I gasp at a frame falling. It fell behind the dresser. I reach for it and turn it over. Oh my god. I can’t breathe. I recognize. OK, I’m getting dizzy. Its the same, but it can’t be.

Just remember in the winter
Far beneath the bitter snows,
Lies the seed, that with the sun's love,
In the spring becomes the rose.

I barely make it down the stairs and hurry myself out dropping the picture behind me.

I couldn’t stop how upset I am now. I can’t believe what just happened. Its not fair. I can’t go back there. I can’t ever.

“Fi, watch out, that shit’s heavy.” a voice in front of me chimed.

Didn’t care, just kept running... until smack! Nice going bitch! I look up and groan with my seeded anger.

“I told you that shit was heavy. Wait, who are you?” the girl with caramel locks quizzes.

I stumble both in pain and words. “Forget it, sorry.”

I try and get up but the girl offers her hand to me. “Are you alright?”

Joking right? I still take her hand, “I’m fine.”

I think lying sometimes helps yield a conversation.

“Are you sure I don’t know you?”

I said sometimes, not always.

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