Chapter 3: Walk Away

Justin's POV

Now that you heard that, here's what I have to say.

I knew this was the final nail on the hammer. I've already had so many other things to complain about, this was so trivial. I had to get out and now. I was actually going to break up with Jenna but other things got in the way. Like oh yeah, getting over choking on fear. Sometimes she scares me, like she's physically attractive but she can make me want to beat her until she ain't breathing.

I'm so damn tired with my life right now I feel like everything is spinning. Crap, I think chunks are starting to rise. I turned the ignition and bolted outta the premises as fast as I could before I blew. I rolled down the window for a friend. Where are my damn friends anyway? How the hell should know? Tom was supposed to give me a call at 2 because today I wasn't in office but rather out on assignment. I tell ya, cops are the bitch. I stand 6 "2 and well, lets just say I'm not exactly the poster man for being a strong cop. I'm a lanky rookie on "the squad" and worse of all, I'm the most irresponsible. Just ask the chief. I think it has something to do with my face. I really couldn't tell you.

Being a cop does have some OKs but I guess its only when you're commended for doing actual crime work. Brooklyn is quite possibly infested with tons of open range for us, its the perfect training ground. A few weeks ago, I was on assignment for a suspect involved in a second degree murder charge. I was supposed to take notes and just listen but I couldn't even do that right. I ended up only writing down half of what was said about the case, long story short. It's amazing the chief has so much faith in me. I would've fired me for sure.

I'm suddenly thirsty now. All that damn yelling threw my voice out of all octaves. Sometimes I tell ya, I really hate Jenna. I think this shit too much and its hurting my head. I spot a liquor store and park. I get out and walk into the place looking for the best beer in the world. As of now, I'm feeling so pissed I could barely stand. My fists clenched around the six-pack of whatever thing I just picked up.

I loaded everything in and buckled up my belt letting out some air from my mouth. I roll down my window and rest my elbow on the side. My eyes close almost too abruptly. I needed a break. I hate what I have to go through almost every time I'm with her. Its like I'm stuck in some damn Christina Aguilera song or something. Ugh, women! Can't live with them... end of sentence. Jesus, can't I ever just not have them in my life? Is it so much for the almighty to lift a thumb out of his ass and actually do something? The fact that nothing ever changes it seems makes prayer a dreadful alternative. But yeah, back to women... Who the hell do they think they are? Damn! They make everything just so annoying and painful sometimes.

Love can't be perfect. Nothing is. I've learned that like a retard. Things like living tend to pass me a lot and I've come to regret not choosing other paths I came across. Being a cop was not on my dream list. It was something I sort of stumbled into I guess. Which explains how I'm still a fumbling moron sometimes. I've gotten better. Being young and doing such an "adult" occupation scares me I'm not gonna lie. Being raised on rifles and shot guns nobody would have believed what I just said. Somehow I moved passed that and faced the challenge.

I went to college for a couple classes and really hated it right away. Although, I kind of did like the writing class they taught but other than that, I really couldn't focus on the assignments. Statistically, now, 95% of the earth contracts Attention Deficient Disorder. ADD for the layman. Personally, I find that insulting. Once again, I fit the bill sadly. I'll admit my eyes travel faster around a whole room than when I consume information. You laugh now, chances are, you may have even worse than I do. I have problems sitting still for a while and reading a novel or magazine. I'm always deterred by something, most of the time its stupid.

I feel like Johnny Depp in the beginning of The Secret Window, just my eyes, dried and dead to everything. I lift my lids up and squint a little glancing at the green crystal of my car clock. 8:48. Feels later. Much later. All that yelling before passed only 4 hours. Still, I wasted my breathe as always. I feel like I'm too much of a pussy to her. Jenna has fields of problems. She's more passive-agressive than my uncle. She's also a schizo which scares the shit holes outta me. She's got enough symptoms for me to believe without the hassle earning an MD position to know. She reminds me of Biff Tannen from Back to the Future. She talks about the same things. The worst part of her, she has friends. Not just those "girlfriends," that are really a person you come to for whatever it is. Puppeteers, that's what they were to my girlfriend. Whatever they said was Jenna's decision. Made me sick. Most annoying thing? They talk like hookers. Least Julia Roberts had tolerable efforts to make fingers not plug ears. Brooklyn has plenty. Nails on chalkboard screechers just ruin my good day.

I ramble on too much. I know I do. Ugh, maybe I should take a break from everything. Clubs are out for sure. I don't wanna even tell you what happened last time. Can't go reading at a book store. I'll barely function with everyone in those annoying chairs reading like they're actually liking the book of choice. I could go to the gym and punch the bag some. But nah, besides the place I go to closes at 7 tonight.

I don't know what the hell I'm gonna do. I am more than lost. I wish there was some sort of life in me again. Like I somehow have some stupid purpose for once. Depression is the by far the worst disease bestowed on the mind. My mind sometimes doesn't even feel like me anymore. I put up with so much and never say what really is bothering me. I listen way too much. I should stop listening. Like I said, once a pussy, always a pussy.

Its been a while since I talked to someone with an individual personality. Someone with passion. One that takes no prisoners. Common love is so exhausting. It seemed nebulous and insanity was the breakout. I haphazardly buried myself in this life. I wish it all could end in the way a movie scene can. Movie? Yeah, I could try that. Its been a while since I've really seen one. The closet one was just a few blocks up the street. A movie and fake happiness was just what I need. Just 2 hours of pure escape just to walk away from it all.

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