Chapter 9: Impossible

Justin's POV

Soft heavenly eyes
Gazed into me
Transcending space and time
and I was rendered still
There were no words for me to find at all

The breath of fresh air. It was than that I didn't know who I am at that instant. But I was embarrassing myself yet again. She probably sees that and gets scared. She looks at me. I really don't know what to do. Jenna hates it when I gawk as I am. Shit! Jenna. I have to move. She's where I'm going. I can't move my legs. All I believe in are my eyes. What I am looking at right now. All I'll be.

As I stood there beside myself
I could see you and no one else

I will myself to snap from the trance in the weird moment taking, it finally works. But she doesn't move still. My hand was getting numb on the corner of the car door. I watch her watch me. I still couldn't believe it. Of all the places. I shouldn't question the reason why its there. For some explaining, its worth something and I want to know. It gives me comfort being in this presence.

I decide I should say something. Maybe a greeting. I don't want to seem intimidating, she appears to already hold an offbeat glance. Her wide brown eyes follow my face but plant their focus upon my lips. Her eyes squint than go back to original position. She licks her lips as I find the silence terribly excruciating.

"Hi... uh, I..." I pause. What the hell? I am stumped.

I don't know why this is happening. I think my voice is scaring or something. I walk up a little closer. She doesn't back but stares. A stare I don't familiar with. I take this as my cue...

"Are yo--" and she fled from me. That was it.

My eyes close and I tilt my head slightly. I bout with my composure. She left me. As soon as she came she left and fuck me I didn't run after her. Should I have? I stand bootless with a confined clue in mind. I keep seeing Julie and she leaves me or i allowed her.

Is there some brutal chancy whisper in reason I should know of? My eyes open and I don't really see the point of it all. I felt dejected suddenly. Like my life was almost crumbling and I don't know why.

I stay still, falling within the last moments. The cabbie took off nearly forever ago. Her eyes are fresh to me. I breath with them. They sync up the solitude I wanted from life. Man, she has gorgeous eyes. One of those deep browns that only can be deciphered as unloved windows which paint desperation within certain entities blinded by what I used to believe was real.

She is real, I now can believe only that. I cavort the notion but its hard. I've wanted to feel this peaceful for since I can't remember. I refuse to castigate my feelings because I don't believe in something that appears farfetched. I'm gonna think for myself for once. I don't care if this is trance, its mine and nothing will break it.

I jump suddenly at the noise I hear. A voice rather, which counts as noise pretty much. I almost fucking forgot. Why didn't I? Dammit. I scowl and hold it in.

"I wasn't late, OK!" I make a stupid face.

Jenna makes her way around to me, eyebrows elevated, "You ok?"

I don't understand why she cares. Whatever. I look at her, roll my eyes, and scoff, "Yeah, you ready?"

She looks so happy to see me. I feel sorry for her. She smiles as I groan on, "Yeah, I'm starved."

Well, you look like it. I'm surprised she asked me to meet her here. Only just recently she got afraid she was gonna lose me. Geez, why am I not stronger than this?

She comes closer to me, I sneer, "Let's go, come on."

I push me aside for a sec and proceed with the girl I used to be clinging and liked it. Now I feel so routine with all this. I don't know or have a clue why I don't say anything. I have the power to hit anyone that annoys me. Granted, I'll never do that to a woman in my life, though, I'm known for being a compulsive liar every so often.

I look at her and fight the urge to scream at her all she's causing me. This is beyond the "you're my bitch" mantra, I'm seriously and quite frankly pacified. The problem with me is I think more than I say. I stay quiet to people a lot and usually let them say their shit. I'm getting sick of taking it and not being the one with the voice.

I shake my head, I follow and I don't know where I'm going and I don't like it. "Jen, where're we going?"

She looks at me like I got three heads. Again, anger restrained. "Uh, I'm hungry and we are going to have dinner where we always go Marmalade Café, what's wrong with you already?"

Oh, if only I had forever I could turn into a whiney cheerleader in 1.23 seconds. I hated these questions, well, ok, I compose but still I feel no more steps should be taken unless something is off and out.

"Look, I'm just really tired and I don't need you on my ass about everything! OK! Let's just get this over with."

I treed past her without a solid glance. I kept in mind the Café was about 3 blocks a walk from where I'm heading. I hear clinking heels and pass on.

"Justin! Come on! Wait! Let's start! I wanna talk, please?" her out of breath squeak she calls a voice pierces my hearing.

Its really funny to hear her gravel when I finally put her in her here place. Its about time. I see the door and open it up and I waste no time going inside. I don't leave the door open for anyone. I'm taking care of what I want now.

She's panting. OK, part of me has a heart so I turn to her. She looks at me like she's seen a ghost. She's not used to this guy. The leash is gone now. She has no power anymore and I know she's dying but I don't give two fucks.

"Justin, what are you trying to do to me? You know I can't run in these shoes. Damn, now my feet hurt and you know dancing takes a lot of your feet... how could you be so inconsiderate?"

I wanted to push her in front of a car. She really is a pathetic one I was cursed with sadly. Never had I thought someone could be so boring, rude, and annoying all together. She pulls it off well.

I smirk, I really don't care, "Oh? Sorry, I didn't see you behind me. I wanted to get here fast so I ran." My hands clasped together to create warmth.

I hear that painful sound she thinks is scoffing, "Justin, really I'm not joking. I could have gotten hurt you know? My foot could have been ruined for my concert tomorrow and you know that's more important to me than anything..."

Oh of course. Just when I think heads couldn't get any bigger, you sure take the metal babes.

"...I'm willing to not bring it up again if you buy me desert?"

Whoa horsy! She has the nerve to bribe me when she herself has no place to talk. What a hooch if only one exists. "Yeah, right."

She rolls her eyes assuming I'll succumb to her wishes but really I'm planning the elaborate the death of Jenna in my head.

I turn to the host, "Uh two?"

"Right this way." he grabs menus and we follow behind me.

We reach our table in the usual are we always used to park it and chill. Man, its been a long time since I've seen this place. It always remains me of Old Calabasas in a way. The setting is pretty much French replicated but its more or a relaxed atmosphere. I always enjoyed the service here and the food is alright. Not five-star material but middle class prevents such changes from occurring. I don't fret too much on it. Cops only afford what is earned to how much work they do. Like I said, work equals mula.

We seat in complete silence and all I wanna do is run and not scream my lugs out at her. But I must. I feel like I should start clean and calm first.

I breath out and look at her, "We need to talk Jenna."

She seems preoccupied with her menu and that bugs me more than I already am. Here I am trying my hardest not to kill her and she still ignores me. I feel like scenes are not my thing to make so I try once again.

"Jenna, can you please put it down so we can talk. I really need to say something and its been bothering me for a long time." Her eyes look up at me and sort of close the long booklet.

My fist slowly unclenches, "Uh, do you think we can order first? I'm really sorry I promise I'll pay attention, just so I'm not so distracted I wanted to just order."

Fine, but she needs to listen to me. I've waited too long to dish this out and actually get her to talk to me when I want her to. "Yeah, alright, whatever."

I signal for a waiter and never to they actually come when someone like me calls them but I guess I was lucky this time.

He looks at Jenna, "What can I get you Miss?"

She opens the menu, "Uh, I think I'll start out with the angel hair shrimp pasta and some water."

She actually orders a meal, still not impressive.

He looks at me now, "Oh yea, I guess I'll have the picatta." Was the first thing I looked at. Not like I'm gonna eat it anyway.

He left now I open my mouth and I don't care if she didn't breath, "Jenna, I can't do this anymore."

Damn, her expression is priceless. I'd laugh out loud if I wasn't so nice. "What?"

I think it's the dye, could be that nauseating perfume I whiffed when she attempted to hold my hand. I realize its serious so I oblige once again, "I don't love you anymore. You make me feel bad about my life and I can't stand when you bother me about the stupidest things known to man."

I close my eyes for a couple of seconds. If she says what one more time, violence will not be disclaimed. My eyes open up and she looks as if she still doesn't get it. Well, at least she hasn't spoken yet.

"You're kidding me?" her voice was one I didn't know she had in her. I almost felt sorry but enough is enough.

I shake my head, "Nope, not kidding. I hope you understand where I'm coming from here."

Why did do that? For a second I thought I was talking to a plausible human. Oh no, what do I do now? I see tears. She's not saying anything but damn. I know I'm not a robot so I get up, take her hand with both mine, and look her sympathetically.

"Jen, are you ok?" I was in love with her once upon a time ago and I still do care a lot for her.

She looks away and sniffs. I see her wipe tears with her free hand. Shit, NOT now! I will not take what I said back but I hate seeing people in pain. It doesn't matter what they did its still hurt no matter how you slice it.

I hear her voice softly stutter as it forms something audible. "Do I really make you feel bad all the time.?"

Oh god no! NOT gonna cop out now, no pun intended. But OK, just don't make it worse. "Jenna, I can't see you anymore. You're gonna find someone but it can't be me. I'm sorry, I've been feeling this way for a while now. Please understand."

All of a sudden this took me by surprise, she screams and covers her face. I look around. That's right. Everyone looks at us. Mainly me. Oh yeah, like I hit her or something. She's acting like I hit her. I should just take her home now.

"Jenna come, on you don't wanna do this here. Let's go, I'll take you home." I take her hand and get up while she sobs hard in high intervals.

OK, come on now. "Jen, come here." I reach out my arms for her and she still doesn't move.

She turns to me, her eyes red as crimson, "How could you do this to me! Seriously, this whole time I was-was WHY?"

I already told you. My brain was getting frustrated but I had to hold it, "Its how I feel alright. Least I can take you home come on. I know you hate me but I still have to take you back."

She suddenly grabbed her jacket, put it on, and got up giving me one of those "fuck you" stares, "Stop doing me favors, OK? You just ruined my whole world, alright! Just leave me ALONE!"

Man, what a bitch. I realize its not the best thing to tell someone, which was why I was hanging on so long, but yeah least she could do is not be such a drama queen.

I watch her stomp outside and I start jogging after her, "Jenna stop! You don't know the way!"

She didn't say anything she was hailing and ignoring me. I rolled my eyes, shit the crime of doing something nice for someone. OK, I know I've put up with enough and I say that too much but this time I mean it.

"Jenna! Stop this, really I didn't mean to cause you hurt but I can't help how I feel. Just let me do this OK?"

She stands still, hand down. Its freezing now, I can tell by our breath. She slowly turns around. I'm sort of scared by the look she gives me. I've never seen her this emotional in my life. I thought she was a robot who only did what was expected of her. Guess I was wrong.

I nodded a confirming affirmation and she ran in my arms giving me such a tight hug I thought the air was all the way out of me. As I hug her I'm thinking again. This is all too weird. My eyes focus ahead me. I'm comforting someone and I find myself looking beyond the tiny body in my arms. I see brown hair, than a blurry face. It turns around, standing still.

Not again, I'm being crazy again. But than, no I'm not. She turns around. I see her face again, this time a much better vision than before. My eyes focus their retinas onto that face. I SEE HER. She's here. She's over there. She runs as she sees me. She runs and my legs don't work. Strike 2! Shit! They don't work. Legs are immobile. Everything is slow.

I make it my goal. She comes in my life again, I run to her.

I let go of Jenna and we go in the cab I called. It was 15 minutes of crappy silence and for some reason I had a smile on my face. Not because of breaking up with the next to me finally, I had a smile for Julie. Things were going to be better when I get back.

After I take her home I take myself back and nearly fall my body onto the couch. Julie, the one that got away I think not. I smile, its real.

Feedback | Chapter 10