Chapter 16: Can't Let Go

Melana opened her eyes as the yelling continued....

"...J how could you? We love each other. Tell me the truth, now!" Cameron walked in and slammed the door.

Lana's eyes pleaded with his. Unsure... maybe. This couldn't be a better time to tell her. Tell her Justin. Tell her you love me like I love you.

Cameron stumped over to him, "J, tell me you're not screwing around behind my back?"

Justin took a deep breathe as he let go of Lana's hand like it was burning him. He closed his eyes and shook his head slowly wondering what the fuck he's doing. "No..."

Did he just say...? What was that again? NO! Melana's breathing sped up. She was having a panic attack. He had the chance the tell her everything. No more. She's done finished with this game. If he said those words now, she wouldn't believe them. He thrives on playing games it seems. It was never about love. It was all a competition. She wasn't Cameron. She wasn't rich or blond. Beautiful. Skinny. What the hell what she thinking?! Believing that a celebrity would actually feel for her. All a hoax. Her life was a ploy to him. It didn't matter what he now. His no will be never forgotten. She covered her mouth, choking down the incoming sobs as she got up and ran out of the room and hurried down the steps.

She stopped at the living room. Everyone sitting on the couch casually talking. Lynn and Stephanie were laughing at something but stopped instantly when they saw Lana's face. She ran full speed to her Mama and hugged her without a word. Stephanie pulled back to look at her daughter, "Baby, what is it?"

That only made her cry harder as she felt Lynn's hand on the small of her back, "It's alright sweetie. Come sit with us."

She sniffled and wiped her eyes as she sat between her mom and her current enemy's mom. Lynn was so different. She was caring, congenial. She was just so sweet. Why she produced a monster like her son is flabbergasting. Lynn handed her a tissue as she wiped her eyes. Lana looked into Lynn's eyes while another tear came down.

Lana sucked in her breath, "I'm so stupid. I'm so sorry for ruining your Christmas. I just... I need to--to go home now. Right now."

Her mom moved some hair from her red swollen eyes, "What happened, baby? You can tell us. Start from the beginning."

She choked another sob back as she breathed in her answer, "No! He's, no-- I can't breath. Oh god!" her eyes closed as she fainted against the couch.

"Melana! Oh god, no!" Justin rushed to her side and held her head in his lap.

Stephanie stared wide-eyed at what was happening. No, it can't be. Can it? "Justin, what is going on? What did you do?"

Cameron came down the stairs and stood looking at the man she loved holding her in his arms.

Justin ignored everyone and focused on Melana, "Baby, wake up. It's Justin. Come on, wake up. Please."

Lynn raised a curious eyebrow, "Justin, what is going on? Why was she so upset coming down the stairs before? Tell us what happened now!"

His mother never got demanding as her voice had sounded now. He was going nuts as is. When she wakes up, he'll be beaten down. He deserves it. For lying. For his selfish needs. Saving his own ass. That was the perfect opportunity. Dammit! "Lana, wake up."

She made a moaning sound as she slowly opened her eyes, "You!" she got up with fear in her eyes and backed away from him hiding in her mom's embrace.

Her mom stared at her, "Tell us what happened? What does this have to do with Justin?"

Lana gulped as she spoke in a calm voice, "Nothing, Mama. Justin has nothing to do with this," she walked up and slapped him hard across his face. "Nothing! Stay. Away. From. Me," her voice deep, sadistic, sad, dripping in all seriousness as she walked to her mother's arms.

Justin was near to tears now. He didn't care how much that slap hurt him. "Lana, please listen to me. Forgot what I said. I don't care anymore what she thinks. I--"

"Well, we certainly agree on something. Have a great live. A great life indeed," she pushed her way in tears to her room and slammed the door without a care in the world.

Fuck, she was mad. Yeah, she was completely, utterly, super mad. She dreamed of this man loving her and he couldn't. No, he couldn't do it. Why is she caring so much? She flopped down on her made bed crying what was left of her sanity. White salts of emotional truth, peaking, pestering its claws for surface. She couldn't stop. The more she tired the more she cried. It was all too real. Maybe it was better this way. She would be free. Going back to Tower Records, working 45 hour weeks. That seemed more and more delectable every time she thought of it. Can't live in a fantasy. This was and has always been too good to be true. She should've seen the signs. Those clear, poignant signs screaming for her attention. It all seemed hopeless. Love. What the fuck was it anyway? Hell, she didn't know that's for sure. She thought it all was, by some unknown sanctioned miracle just... real. Tangible. Weightless. Ethereal. Made you smile. Not cry for the moment to end. No, the tears of today hurt her heart. Everything was her lie. Her heart. His kisses. His damn words. All of him. Untrue.

She picked herself up, jammed her ear phones on, and turned on her Discman. Closing her eyes as the sweet sounds of her inspiration piercing her soul to the very core of the feeling.

There you are holding her hand
I am lost
Dying to understand
Didn't I cherish you right
Don't you know you were my life

Even though I try I can’t let go
Something in your eyes
Captured my soul
And every night I see you in my dreams
You’re all I know
I can’t let go

Just cast aside
You don’t even know I’m alive
You just walk on by
Don’t care to see me cry
And here I am
Still holding on
I can’t accept
My world is gone

You’re all I know
I can’t let you go
Even though I try
I can’t let go of something I need so badly
You’re all I know
I can’t let go

Do you even realize the sorrow I have inside
Everyday of my life
Do you know the way it feels
When all you have just dies
I try and try to deny that I need you
But still you remain on my mind

No I just can’t get you out of my mind
I never can say goodbye
‘Cause every night
I see you in my dreams

You’re all I know
I can’t let you go
Even though I try
I can’t let go of something I need so badly
You’re all I know
I can’t let go

Feedback | Chapter 17