Chapter 7: The Risk

The next 2 days were the best couple of days Justin & Melana had had in a long time. They did everything together. She honestly didn't think she would get this close to him. He definitely was a mystery and she liked that about him. She was beginning to see sides of him that she can tell, he rarely showed. She feels really honored to be part of that side. He's a goofball really. When it comes to music, he nails it on the head. She keeps on telling him that he pushes himself too hard. His response is always "I'm never satisfied. It's gotta be perfect." That part of him she could do without. She doesn't make an issue of it. She respects him.

She and Justin decided to do a full on movie night: popcorn, candies and more junk. The movie of choice, mostly Melana, Justin felt too tired to argue, was Good Will Hunting; Melana's favorite movie. As she placed the popcorn bag into the microwave, Justin got the movie ready. She tapped her fingers on the counter, bordly.Screw this. She ran over to the room to see Justin talking on his cell phone. He sounded upset. She had caught some of the words but decided to head back to the kitchen. She decided to mind her own business. It's his love life, not hers. She doesn't have one. God, she has to except that. Its so hard though. She wished now more than anything, that he were in some way a part of her love life. Friendship was hard enough to earn with him. He's in love and its NOT her. Not her...

Sounds of the popcorn beeping woke her up as she hopped over to retrieve the streaming hot bag. She followed the directions and removed the top while facing away. She got out a huge salad bowl and dumped the popped kernels. She tossed the bag in the trash and picked up the bowl walking to Justin's room.

She peaked in the room as she knocked on the opened door. "Hello? Don't worry, I haven't poisoned anything, its just good old fresh popcorn. Compliments of Blockbuster," she stepped in, set the bowl on the nightstand, and plopped on the bed beside him.

He gave a short a laugh while his mind became suddenly fascinated with the wall. He felt her touch his arm. He turned to her.

"Something wrong?" her hand came to his hand and laced his fingers together with her's.

He smiled a little and shook his head, "No, I'm cool."

She sat up a little, her face turning serious, "You can tell me, you know? I won't laugh at you. Unless we're talking about that nose, than its slightly different," she winked.

He laughed, "No, honestly, its nothing. Let's watch the movie. Or rather your movie."

"Hey, that's not true. You wanna see it too. Matt Damon's in it, hello?"

"Well, hello? Last time I checked, I wasn't into dudes."

"Well, I never said that. Thanks for bringing that up. You are very much hetero. Cameron seems to think so," she winced as she knew she said something bad.

"Yea, well, she's not here alright? Just lay off." He turned his face away.

"Justin, I'm so sorry. You know, maybe this wasn't such a great idea. Obviously something, that you refuse to tell me is bothering you. Either, you decide to talk about it or I'll call this a night."

"Its not that easy, OK? I love this girl and she doesn't wanna see me OK? Is that what you wanna hear? She doesn't care to see me," his hands covered his face.

Her heart faltered when he said love. She pushed it aside and crawled over to him, taking his hands off his face to stare at his eyes, "Tell me," her voice whispered sweetly.

His eyes now crying, "I love her, Lana. I don't know what to do. I love her so much. Why can't I see her? Just tell me? Why?"

She wiped his tears away, "I don't know. You've spoken to her, right?"

He sniffed, "Uhuh. I'm going nuts here. I can't see my damn girlfriend. This is Christmas, you know? She's just blowing me off like she doesn't care. Tell me what's going on because I don't have a clue?"

"Come here, Justin," she opened her arms and hug him softly.

"Tell me please? What should I do?"

"I don't know what to tell you. I've never been in this situation before. I've never been in love before." Until now.

Justin stared at her in shock. How could she say that? Surely she has, she's just afraid to tell me. "What?! You must be crazy. Never? Who would not want you? God, you're everything. You're perfect."

"Don't say that. I'm very far from it. I've just never been in love. Its no big deal." But, it is.

"No big deal. Its the best part of life. Being in love makes you do things that you thought were impossible to do. Being in love is a risk. A risk to everything else. Nothing else can matter but that person. You feel like you're cold without them holding you."

"Never felt it. Even if I was feeling all those things you say I don't know if I can take such a risk. I'd rather die than have someone not feeling the same. I don't wanna feel cold without love. God, I'm sorry, I'll shut up."

He took his hand and placed it on her cheek, "No, go on. I'm listening."

"It doesn't matter what I say. Right now is what matters. Let's watch the movie now."

Silence filled the room--

He faced her now, all pretensions fall, "Melana, are you in love?"

"What?!" she gasped.

"Are you in love? I'm serious, are you?"

"Am I? Are you kidding, right? I had just told you a minute ago I've never been in love and you ask me if I am? Doesn't make sense," she grabbed the remote and turned on the VCR but he yanked it away before she could touch the button.

"Melana, I hate liars. I really do, so I will ask again. Are you in love with someone right now?"

She turned away on the bed, her back to him. "I already answered that, now I wanna watch the movie."

"Look at me, now. Dammit Lana, look me in the eye and tell me you NOT in love? Do it now."

She turned around slowly and looked up in his eyes, "I can't fall in love."

"What? What do you mean?" his voice was soft now.

She swallowed, "I just can't.

"Come on, please. Tell me why you can't?"

"Its not that simple. I can't because I swore I would not allow myself to."

Who is she talking about? "You can't be like this. You can't keep your emotions in. You told me that remember. Let it out. Just talk. Why can't you fall in love?"

"I can't fall in love because its too late. I'm too late. I never had a chance and I never will."

"Help me understand, please? What's it gonna take?"

"No, I can't say."

"Please say it. Say it."

OK. "Its--" the phone cut her off.

"Oh, shit. God, I'm so sorry," he picked up his cell, "Hello? Oh hey. Yeah. Watching a movie with a friend. Hey, can I chat later? Yeah, uhuh. Gotta go. Peace. " He clicked off.

What is the risk really? Can I really find it? Could he be the risk? He IS the risk. She lugged forward and pressed her lips softly against his.

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